Comment Wall

Photograph of multiple lightning strikes. Source: Met Office.


  1. Hi Maci,

    Weather is just so big compared to us little people here on the surface of the Earth, and given that even now there are still many things about weather events and their genesis that we don’t understand, having myths to explain those things holds almost as much appeal today as it did long ago in the past.

    I noticed that your storybook seems to be missing an Introduction… did you forget to link it or make it public?

    I liked your first story, though I’m not sure if “Albert” as a name for a Native American bird really fits in terms of connotations — perhaps that was intentional.

    It could be cool to frame this even more as the old bird who had seen the bad days talking to younger birds…

    Thanks for the story,

  2. Hi Maci! First of all, this is a super interesting and unique topic! Before I even began reading story number one, I was intrigued and excited to start reading. Like I said, I read story number one, and it was a fun one to read! This was a very creative re-telling of the original story, and I very much liked the use of the unique perspective of the birds on the island to fully depict why the Storm God caused a big storm. By using the birds themselves to describe the horrors of being treated poorly by the humans, it draws you in and makes you think twice about the mistreatment of animals as well. I would say the unique perspectives utilized in this story were the best parts! Also, I love a good origin story, and hearing the 'origin story' of how and why this massive storm came and wiped out the prairies gives a better understanding of the Storm God and how much he cares about all creatures. It is also a very good illustration of divine intervention and how it often works in most Greek mythologies.

  3. Hi Maci! I loved your topic so much, I hadn't read this topic before so I was already excited when I saw it was about weather! The story itself was told very well, and I'm glad you decided to give the characters life in the way you did. You spoke from the birds' point of view which made the story a lot more compelling, as we usually hear things as told from the human's perspective. I also liked how you brought the God into play, as he is the source of a natural phenomenon that many cultures have different explanations for. I also loved how you told the origin story of the storms. I think one thing that might be interesting would be to hear this story from the Storm God's point of view. Too often we see gods be painted as these unemotional omnipotent beings, but I like it when they have personalities. Overall, I loved your stories and look forward to reading more!

  4. Hi Maci, I enjoy how you incorporated your meteorology interests into your story! As I was reading the story I thought Harukan was a legit thunder god from one the stories until I read your author's notes! Then I looked at Harukan and phonetically sounded it out in Ha-Ru-Kan and realized it sounded like.... Hurricane!!! Anyways, one thing that I thought would be interesting is to hear the perspective of the storm god. If you could somehow add more depth to his character that would really draw a lot of readers in because, like the Greek gods, they all had their own personalities and vices kind of like humans. I think those traits would connect really well with the reader! I look forward to reading some more next time!

  5. Maci,
    What a fantastic idea for your theme! I really love the theme and the artwork you've chosen. Great job. My only suggestion/question for the first story (Big Beak) is that you may change the *very human* words like "species" to family or brothers or something less scientific. You establish your narrator smoothly, though. Great work.
    For the next story, I found myself asking a lot of questions. Did the "figure" explain to Lyle how to use his gifts? How does he recognize an evil spirit and discern their strength in relationship to his arrows? and most of all, it first says that his bow and arrow will be stronger than the evil spirits (how does he know that?) and then the first one he meets is too strong for him.
    I really like this story and would love to see if fleshed out a little more. Maybe the figure that led him into the sky could be given a voice to explain Lyle's tasks to him a little more.
    Good luck!

  6. Hi Maci!
    I love the theme of weather. It's such a broad and fascinating category that you can definitely do a lot with it!
    For the first story, I love the fact that you zoomed out to include the Hurricane's point of view too (also, love how the name Hurakan is close to Hurricane!). I think since storms are so forceful, and you describe the storm's initial anger, it might be interesting to include a line about why the storm calmed and how he feels about the birds now. Regardless, I really love this one!
    For the second story, I really love the concept but got a little lost. I think one thing that would help would be setting aside the dialogue in quotes! I had to go back and reread a couple times when the figure was talking to Lyle because I wasn't sure if Lyle was thinking or if the figure was talking. I also think you focus a lot on how Lyle is feeling at the beginning of the story but as you move through it start just telling the action. Maybe inserting more internal feelings from Lyle throughout would help? Also, I'd love to know more about the evil spirits!
    Overall, I love your theme and think both of these stories are really intriguing! Great work.

  7. Hi Maci,

    I enjoyed reading through the stories in your storybook. One thing I wanted to ask was why did you name the stories, story 1 and story 2? I think you could name them after the weather elements the stories reflect, like the hurricane and lightning. Overall, I liked getting to read these new stories and you explained them in such a wonderful way. I did wonder why the birds in the first story didn't try to find a new home in the first place. You mentioned they were forced to build homes there, but I didn't quite understand why.

    In the second story I wanted to know a little bit more about the figure that brought Lyle into the sky. Was he a god or just some important being? Also, why did he decide to watch over Lyle and his life struggles? Good work, and I'm excited to read your next weather story!

  8. I would recommend changing the "Story #" to the titles you created on each page.

    For your first story, "Natives" and "American Indians" are terms used to describe a group of people in comparison with an outsider group. Since two Native groups of people mentioned in your story, I would recommend trying to find a more specific tribe for what the groups would have called themselves. If you can not do that, then I would refer to the groups as "People" with some adjectives. I saw you used the same wording as the source this class uses, but based on the information I gathered from sources such as this:

    That Florence Stratton was not a part of any tribe, so the retellings of these stories may have terms used only by outsiders. I also consider that her work was used in textbooks, which, at the time, did not accurately depict Native culture. It may seem that I'm being picky when I point this out, especially when I'm not Native myself, but from what I've learned from my Native American music class, "Indians" and "Natives" to describe two different groups is a bit problematic. Of course, if you or someone who you know is Native says its okay, when you will hear no complaints from me.

    In your second story, why was Lyle adopted if his family would only mistreat him? I think it would make more sense to have him be an unwanted, biological child if you don't want to expand on that. Also, I was confused about how the Chief of Evil Spirits turned into a rock and stayed in the air. I imagined that since the chief became a rock, he would fall to the ground, so maybe the chief could become another object, like a cloud that captures the lightning and deflects it.

  9. Hi Maci!
    I think it was a great idea to unify your storybook around stories that explain different weather phenomena. Both of your stories do a great job of narrating events but thought you could maybe be more detailed in some places. For example in your second story, the events are set into motion because Lyle was treated poorly by his family but the only details given are that he had to do a lot of dirty housework and to me this just sounded like chores and running away seems a bit dramatic. Maybe you could detail the events of his mistreatment to start your story. Is Lyle dealing with verbal and physical abuse? It might be kind of dark but I think it would help make it easier to connect or be invested in your character if you just gave him a bit fuller of a backstory. I look forward to seeing your finished project!

  10. Hey Maci! We used the same theme for our Google sites! :)
    I really love the concept for your storybook! Weather is such a profound experience and every culture has its own mythology about the origins and evolution of natural weather phenomena. This was a great pick for your subject, especially considering your major! I look forward to reading your introduction which will hopefully encapsulate the concept and purpose for your storybook.
    I particularly enjoyed your story about the origin of lightning. Native American mythology is so compelling and visual. Creating an objective for a man in the sky to hunt down evil spirits is very interesting! Your writing style made the myth easy to read and understand.
    Your site seems a little incomplete at the moment, but I look forward to seeing what all you do with it when it's done at the end of the semester.
    Keep up the good work!
    - Cate

  11. Hey Maci,
    I really liked your story, “The Boy Who Held Lightning”. It was full of such good vivid detail! One example of this great usage was in the sentence, “single flash of lighting illuminates the sky as Kyle’s arrow traveled towards the evil spirit.” The usage of illuminate highlights the fact that the sky is a rolling, thunderous, dark-looking beast that Lyle is caught up in. The overall plot was good – one thing that I wish for this story would be to get “closure” with the family that he ran away from. That would have been interesting if somehow, they got caught up in the plot, somehow suffering some kind of consequence. I could somewhat tell that your story was pulled from Native American roots because of a few key things – first off, the usage of weather was pretty common in the stories I read this week. Second was the use of “chief” and of the evil spirits that were written about. Great story!

  12. Howdy,

    I really enjoyed your stories. I think it is cool that you are a meteorologist major and were able to make all of your stories in inspiration of that. I am a psychology major myself and I have tried to draw upon what I have learned and put a psychological spin on a few of my stories. This may be my own ignorance, but I do not know at all what the barrier islands look like, so I think that it may be helpful to add a picture of them within your story. I like how you made the lightning bounce off of the gods rock form. That makes way more sense than it sticking but still being interpreted as cloud to ground lightning. One small thing that you could do on your website that I think would have a big impact is have the names of the stories to navigate, rather than just having story 1, 2, and 3.

  13. Hi Maci!

    First of all, I think Weather Myths is such a cool idea for your portfolio theme. I've read so many stories this semester about how lightning first became lightning and so on, and I've rewritten stories about it for my blog even just because it interested me so much. I also love how you're a meteorology major, which makes it even more special for you! One of my suggestions for you, have you considered actually naming the stories at the top of your website? Instead of just story 1 you could replace it with "The Storm God Who Saved the Birds". I think it would make it easier for the reader to navigate/decide which story they want to read. Anyway, I think your stories are well written - Story 2 is my favorite - and I'm looking forward to reading your last story for the semester! Good luck!

  14. Hey there Maci! I just had the chance to take a look at your project, and I thought that it was great so far! The theme that you are doing is so unique and really interesting! Weather is something that has always fascinated me personally, and so I was looking forward to reading what stories you had! Something that I noticed initially was that you just have things titled as Story 1, Story 2, and Story 3. This can make things not look as interesting, and also can just take away from the project overall. You have such great and exciting writing, and titles that reflect that would be a great addition! I love the images that you have chosen, because not only do they go with the theme, but they also flow together as well. Something else that may be helpful is adding some background information on the home page or even adding a little introduction page, just so the readers know what they are getting into. Overall, great job... and I look forward to reading your next story!

  15. Hey Maci!

    I loved your story about the storm god. I have never considered that there may be a god of storms. The idea you chose to run with is really unique, and I don't think anyone else is going the route you are so that's really cool. I think writing from the perspective of a bird is also a really interesting addition to your writing. The birds have a relationship with storms that we will probably never know, so that is really cool. You get to write about something that is really special. The image you chose to include was really helpful to the story. I think including a storm was the best thing you could have done. I wonder if there has ever been any mythology written about storms. Anyways, good luck with the rest of your writing. I look forward to reading more of your stories.

  16. Hey Maci! I think your storybook topic is so interesting-- I haven't seen a topic like it yet! It's a really cool and creative idea to take different stories related to the weather and tie them together. First off, I really like your website layout. It's very nice and clean, and easy to navigate. The pictures you included of the lightning and other kinds of weather in your banner are awesome, and they really give the website a stormy feel! Maybe you might consider adding some more images throughout the body of your story? Your writing is great as well! It's very descriptive and easily catches your reader's attention and holds onto it. This week we're supposed to comment on your paragraph styles. I like that yours aren't too big, so they're easy to read through. So far I think you've done a pretty great job, so keep up the good work and good luck with the rest of the semester!

  17. Hello Maci!
    First off, your storybook theme really intrigued me because I have often been frightened by severe weather my whole life. I find it interesting what we as a society used to think about weather before we had all this fancy technology. I think basing your storybook around some of the earliest origin stories about weather was a really interesting and unique concept. I think for the most part your storybook is coming along just great and is written well. However, I do wish you would have included an introduction page just so you could express to your reader what exactly they are getting themselves into. Also I could only read your first two stories, when trying to access your third story I was just taken to a blank page. That could possibly be a problem on my end but something you might want to look into. Overall, I think you have done a great job and with some minor revisions and additions to your stories you could make your website even better.

  18. Hi Macy!

    I love this cohesive storybook look and idea. Visually, the pictures and color scheme is very stimulating yet organized. For your first story, I thought it was super unique and creative how you told the story from the point of view of the birds. As far as the paragraphs, I would maybe consider breaking up some of your larger paragraphs. I love how although you used did not change the general storyline, you were able to experiment with descriptive words and perspective.
    Because your first story has the theme of creation, maybe it would be interesting to put it as your first story, instead of your second. This would let the story feel more chronological and even more cohesive-- since this is what you are already going for. I think you could possibly work on expanding your conclusion for your stories. This is a revision option, and it will make your stories end on a more powerful note-- I am working on this myself for my storybook right now.


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